Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Buhtt sex?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
