It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
