it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
