Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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