i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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