i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
