last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
