Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
