cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
