MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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