I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
