3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
420 ftw
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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