Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
