Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm at about main and main street
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
