I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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