Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
