I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
