Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
