So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
