About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
