Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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