Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
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I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
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DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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