cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
