Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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