Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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