So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize