Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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