Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
