I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
