he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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