So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
