I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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