It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
