it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
