Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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