I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
