We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
