Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
