So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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