big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
