Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
