so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Randomize
