You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
