We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
