dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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