Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
