Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize