my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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