I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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