I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
