So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
