he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
