i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
