Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
