just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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