R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
