I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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