Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She announced her abortion via fbk
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
